It's been a rough week.  I guess the weeks after I've been home and had a great weekend are always going to be tough until the time when I don't have to leave again.  The problem is that I seem to be becoming more introverted and more cranky with each passing day.  It's hard for me to stop, even when I'm able to recognize that my temper is shorter.  I wish it would be easy fix, but unfortunately I'm finding that this isn't the case.  I know that I need to have a more positive outlook on life, but frankly all I want to do is curl up in bed and watch tv or sleep.  It's so hard to find that positive outlook, even though I know I have so many wonderful aspects of my life to be grateful for.  All I can do is take things one day at a time.

This weekend is one of those fun ones where I have class friday, saturday and sunday.  On the plus side, this is the final weekend of class for the year (yay!) and my mom is flying into town tomorrow night.  I only need to make it through one more day of 8:30-5:30 and the exam and a little bit of schooling on sunday morning.  Then off to see the grandparents for 5 days and I'll be that much closer to coming home for christmas!  yay!  Then I'll be three months away from being home for good!  Thank goodness!  I've started writing my books again so I guess that's a good thing - thanks Katy!  I think that's been a bit therapeutic...hopefully it helps.  I should probably get some sleep for the long day ahead tomorrow (by the way I'm so bummed I'm missing the football game grrrr) Hopefully I'll write more soon...KG

Invisible

It's hard to think you're not needed anymore.  I know there are people out there who will always need someone to talk to, but it's hard when people who have previously turned to you for so much suddenly have no need for you anymore.  And then, there's the reverse of that.  There are those people who may not know exactly what's going on in your head, and yet, they feel as though they need to tell you what to do.  I don't know if that makes any sense, I'm not even sure if it makes any sense to me.  

Today has been a rough day.  I know these days come more and more frequently, but that doesn't make them any easier to handle.  Just when I let myself start to have a good day, something happens and I just get brought down all over again.  No, I don't know exactly what I want to do with my life.  Yes, I am a 23 year old who is homesick.  I don't think I'm behind the times, I think I'm human, and I really wish some people would just let me be.  I think a lot of this indecisiveness comes from my past.  I am always afraid to fail, and I've always been that way, but I think these feelings are hurting me now more than ever.  I wish I didn't feel this way, but unfortunately, there are some things that can't be changed.  I am so afraid to fail at whatever I do, that I can't bring myself to commit to anything.  I guess if I don't make any decisions, I'm not exactly failing.  I'll have plenty of time for that down the road, so is it so wrong to try to delay that feeling as much as possible?  Again, I don't really know if all that I'm saying even makes sense.  I'll probably read this tomorrow and wonder what I was thinking, but I guess this post just stems from my day.  All jumbled, just like my brain is right now!  Ha....

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day....KG

This weekend will be loooong

When you get used to class two-three times per week, the idea of a week with class for five days is actually pretty daunting, especially if two of those days you are supposed to be in class for eight and a half hours.  Not cool at all.  I know that this is what I signed up for, but that doesn't make me dread those long days any less!

Week two of the new class schedule, and I can say that I am pretty happy with the classes so far.  Both I've had thus far seem to be up my alley and I think I will be able to succeed.

As for all other aspects of my life (ok let's be real here, there really isn't much to my life down here besides school), things are pretty dreary.  The weather was kind of dark and depressing today, and that without a doubt added to my moodiness of today.  I don't like when I have these days, but unfortunately they happen all the time.  All I can do is talk to my lifeline, and take things one day at a time.  That's the only way to survive!  Well, that and focusing on those times when I get to go home, and planning new times.  One way or another though, it has to work, right?  I hope so.  It's hard to keep believing things will get better.  Feeling sick all the time doesn't help either.  If it's not one thing it's another it seems.  And now, my poor little Zoey is sick too.  What is with it down here??   Oh well...not much longer to deal with it.

I'm gonna try to get some rest, but I'll do my best to write again soon!

KG