Wednesday

Wow. It's really been awhile. I didn't realize how long until I went back and read through all my posts since starting this blog.

I know life is all about changing, growing and evolving, but I still struggle with it every day. You'd think that by this point in my life I'd get that things don't necessarily stay the same. But the real question is though, how do you handle it to the best of your ability? How do you know what it is you need most? I don't think there's any one answer. I think life is one big puzzle. You may think a piece fits, but after trying it out you see that it really goes better elsewhere. I'm just trying to find where my piece fits. Maybe there's more than one option, or maybe I have to try a few different spaces. All I know though is that I need to have faith that after one of these times my piece will fit that space. I think I'll find that space soon. There are so many ideas in my head that its hard to decide what is best!

Ill keep thinking and ill try my best to write along the way. A new blog is coming...it's going to be about books...what's new, what you should read and my take on them. Hopefully in the next few days! Thanks for the idea Katy!

More later


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Long time no write

It's been a long time since i've been on here...nothing much has changed.  It's december and slowly creeping towards christmas.  I just wish it would hurry up and get here.  I'm ready to be home...for break and for good.

When I moved down here, people told me to give it time.  Minimum a year.  I don't think that's for everyone though.  Yes, if you are moving to work or moving with your husband or family, sure, give it a year, but otherwise, I don't think that holds true.  I left home for all the wrong reasons.  I know this, and I'm not happy with myself for choosing so abruptly.  But, as with everything, I believe that I had to learn and to appreciate what I had/have at home.  If it's taught me anything, I've learned that there is no where I'd rather be.  Home might drive you crazy sometimes, ok, probably a lot of the time, but it's home nonetheless.  It's not just Ann Arbor, it's the family, friends, just being around the people you care about.  Yes, I have some of that here, but it's not the same.  I know this is a sappy post, but what can I say, it's where I am right now.  I'm looking forward to the cruise coming so that I can get some sun, and go home!

I almost went skating today.  I haven't skated, I mean really skated, since before my last surgery.  I guess I'm just worried about how it's going to go.  I miss it so much, more than I ever figured I would.  I always knew growing up that skating was my outlet.  It was what I used whenever I was hurt, or upset, or needed time to think.  It gave me something to do, somewhere to turn when I needed to vent.  I think it might be time for that again, provided my feet can handle it these days.  I thought about it last night, about the possibility of starting to train again.  I think I'd like that.  I think it would be nice to have a reason to get up in the morning, who knows, maybe even go for that adult national title in 2013.  I'm thinking about it.  Skating has always been a part of me, a part of my soul, and I am realizing now that a piece of me is missing with out it.  I don't miss the drama, that's for sure, but I miss the speed, the jumping and the feeling that I can do anything, be anyone out there.  Hopefully I'll make it out there tomorrow.  I'll keep you posted.

More later, (hopefully soon) KG

It's been a rough week.  I guess the weeks after I've been home and had a great weekend are always going to be tough until the time when I don't have to leave again.  The problem is that I seem to be becoming more introverted and more cranky with each passing day.  It's hard for me to stop, even when I'm able to recognize that my temper is shorter.  I wish it would be easy fix, but unfortunately I'm finding that this isn't the case.  I know that I need to have a more positive outlook on life, but frankly all I want to do is curl up in bed and watch tv or sleep.  It's so hard to find that positive outlook, even though I know I have so many wonderful aspects of my life to be grateful for.  All I can do is take things one day at a time.

This weekend is one of those fun ones where I have class friday, saturday and sunday.  On the plus side, this is the final weekend of class for the year (yay!) and my mom is flying into town tomorrow night.  I only need to make it through one more day of 8:30-5:30 and the exam and a little bit of schooling on sunday morning.  Then off to see the grandparents for 5 days and I'll be that much closer to coming home for christmas!  yay!  Then I'll be three months away from being home for good!  Thank goodness!  I've started writing my books again so I guess that's a good thing - thanks Katy!  I think that's been a bit therapeutic...hopefully it helps.  I should probably get some sleep for the long day ahead tomorrow (by the way I'm so bummed I'm missing the football game grrrr) Hopefully I'll write more soon...KG

Invisible

It's hard to think you're not needed anymore.  I know there are people out there who will always need someone to talk to, but it's hard when people who have previously turned to you for so much suddenly have no need for you anymore.  And then, there's the reverse of that.  There are those people who may not know exactly what's going on in your head, and yet, they feel as though they need to tell you what to do.  I don't know if that makes any sense, I'm not even sure if it makes any sense to me.  

Today has been a rough day.  I know these days come more and more frequently, but that doesn't make them any easier to handle.  Just when I let myself start to have a good day, something happens and I just get brought down all over again.  No, I don't know exactly what I want to do with my life.  Yes, I am a 23 year old who is homesick.  I don't think I'm behind the times, I think I'm human, and I really wish some people would just let me be.  I think a lot of this indecisiveness comes from my past.  I am always afraid to fail, and I've always been that way, but I think these feelings are hurting me now more than ever.  I wish I didn't feel this way, but unfortunately, there are some things that can't be changed.  I am so afraid to fail at whatever I do, that I can't bring myself to commit to anything.  I guess if I don't make any decisions, I'm not exactly failing.  I'll have plenty of time for that down the road, so is it so wrong to try to delay that feeling as much as possible?  Again, I don't really know if all that I'm saying even makes sense.  I'll probably read this tomorrow and wonder what I was thinking, but I guess this post just stems from my day.  All jumbled, just like my brain is right now!  Ha....

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day....KG

This weekend will be loooong

When you get used to class two-three times per week, the idea of a week with class for five days is actually pretty daunting, especially if two of those days you are supposed to be in class for eight and a half hours.  Not cool at all.  I know that this is what I signed up for, but that doesn't make me dread those long days any less!

Week two of the new class schedule, and I can say that I am pretty happy with the classes so far.  Both I've had thus far seem to be up my alley and I think I will be able to succeed.

As for all other aspects of my life (ok let's be real here, there really isn't much to my life down here besides school), things are pretty dreary.  The weather was kind of dark and depressing today, and that without a doubt added to my moodiness of today.  I don't like when I have these days, but unfortunately they happen all the time.  All I can do is talk to my lifeline, and take things one day at a time.  That's the only way to survive!  Well, that and focusing on those times when I get to go home, and planning new times.  One way or another though, it has to work, right?  I hope so.  It's hard to keep believing things will get better.  Feeling sick all the time doesn't help either.  If it's not one thing it's another it seems.  And now, my poor little Zoey is sick too.  What is with it down here??   Oh well...not much longer to deal with it.

I'm gonna try to get some rest, but I'll do my best to write again soon!

KG

Bleh

Today was one of those "I don't want to get out of bed, it's too dreary and dark, and I just don't feel well" kinda days. I got out of bed just because I had to take Zoey to the vet. My poor baby has an ear infection but other than that is just great. Other than that the day was not too exciting. Homework and class while not feeling well kinda leads back to the whole I'd rather be in bed thing.

High point of my day though was talking to my bestie. Always the high point and always can make me smile (no matter how stubborn I may be some days).

As for now, still feeling kinda crappy. Now the lungs are hurting yet again....maybe an upper respiratory infection? Who knows lol. I'm waiting for the NyQuil to kick in so I can actually sleep. Hopefully that will be soon!

I'll update my other blog tomorrow because right now, I don't think I have the brain power to write anything halfway decent about anyone else's work. I've already got the song picked out though that I'm going to write about. It came on the radio tonight when I was driving home from class and made me smile. Gotta love those random, fun loving songs.

Gonna try to catch some zzzz's (cross your fingers!) but I'll write more tomorrow when I'm trying to rest up and get well.

Night! KG




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Been a few...

I've really got to get better about writing here...I think part of the excitement of writing when I was home was that I actually had things to write about.  Nothing really exciting has happened this week.

I started a new semester of classes which I think will be really helpful in the future.  Organizational business consulting and workplace conflict for now with assessment and interviewing starting in about a week or so...time can fly in these classes, but at the same point, 4 hours is such a long time to be sitting in one class.  With that being said, 4 hours seems super short when you have to be in one classroom for 8 hours.  I guess it's all about perspective.

Let's see...I've also caught up on some television I missed when I was home.  Private Practice, How I Met Your Mother, old episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians of course!  I can't help but love these shows.  I know some think tv watching is a waste of time, but I see it as maintaining (who am I kidding here) rather giving me some semblance of sanity.  I may be spending some time doing nothing, but after going through undergrad doing too much, it's nice to kind of take a step back, even if some people do see me as being "lazy".  I know I could be reading too much into what people say, but if you tell someone you are looking forward to doing nothing all day like them, I dunno, I find that a little insulting.  (and before you even think it, this was not done by anyone who will read this blog)  Enough of a rant...

I really enjoyed my healthy whole foods version of a lunchable that I had for dinner tonight.  It was actually the perfect amount of food and it was yummy.  Chicken salad, crackers, grapes, and cheese is actually a pretty good dinner.

Okay, so I know this post has been extremely random, and I'm not even sure if it all makes sense, but I blame being tired and not feeling well!  I'll do better tomorrow, and I will write tomorrow, that's a promise!

Night! KG